For some people dating might mean going out on a date, two or more and having sex, for me it could be either of the two but as you know I am not the one night stand kinda girl. So when I say I dated someone, it doesn’t necessarily mean that we had sex, it just means we go out ,have a couple of drinks ,talk ( very rare since most of them are just interested in having sex) and that’s it. Out of these guys, I have only been intimate with two and semi intimate with one (whatever that means).
In my whole thirty something years, i realize as you get older, dating becomes really difficult (not because you look older but cause you know what you want and can become real picky) and it doesn’t seem fun anymore. As a teenager you feel so excited especially when a boy you like ask you out on a date and you try to look pretty or just perfect for the date or as long as you are with him. You also take a lot of rubbish because you want to have a boyfriend (society and your peers put this idea in your head that if no man or boy is checking you out, you are not woman enough or something is wrong with you). Even though he is abusive, cheats or just treats you like
shit garbage. But as you grow older, those things don’t bother you anymore (maybe its cause I have always been an old soul, don’t get it twisted some forty something women still condole some rubbish so they don’t have to be alone).
My dating experience is (not of the market yet) mostly interesting and sometimes just annoying like – i have that “what was i thinking” moment or that irky feeling when i think about that person sometimes. Some were good, bad, and educational but never near perfect cause let’s face it, nothing is…
So my definition of dating is getting to know someone for different reasons, it’s not a relationship, just a meeting and like any contract, decides whether to seal the deal or not. Deal meaning anything depending on the individual (is it sex, relationship, friendship or a meaningful relationship).
In my dating experience, some led to sex, some relationships (in a relationship for the wrong reasons), friendship (the date didn’t go well enough for us to be lovers but friends) and some as meaningful relationships – last a while (hey, still single).
In the earlier stage which was the disvirgin stage, i thought i was going to marry whoever did that (or in some other words “break the hymen”) but life was more complicated that. And I’m glad we didn’t end up together cause i discovered a lot about myself that was really toxic and it definitely came from somewhere that i didn’t understand at the time. His behavior brought out a lot of anger i never knew i had; as a girl from a broken home, i had trust issues – my parents separated when i was three and i always had this feeling of abandonment, so when it didn’t work out with my first, it made things worse – I’m probably still single cause i always expect them to leave.
To be continued…HERE