There are a lot of things I wish I knew before starting it; whether is a career move, relationships, dealing with family… Most times its when we fail we learn but I always wondered why I didn’t have anyone to advice me, someone close to look up to. Sometimes, all we need is ourselves to get through a situation, to create something, to be great…and with this comes mistakes, that’s how we learn from them. So, here are seven things I regret doing in my life.Not following my instincts
There are so many times I wish I followed my instincts; like when my dad was dying and my gut was telling me to visit but I couldn’t cause I was waiting for my elder sister so we could go together, we didn’t make it before he gave up. Or is it when a guy is asking me out and I know this won’t go anywhere but I doubt myself, assuming I might be wrong…Well, guess what? It never ends up well.
What I learnt here is not just following my instincts but taking time to decide if that is really what I want or not and not accepting through impulse. Its good to follow your gut, I know you might be saying what if you are wrong. Trust me, if you really listen to yourself, you will know when you instinct is right or wrong.
Surrounding myself with the wrong people
Ah, through out my thirty-something, this is one very big mistake, I wish I avoided. It’s good to have a strong will but I’m telling you if you find yourself amongst the wrong set of people, you’d have no choice but to cave in. I’m not saying you should be a snob cause you are trying to avoid the wrong people. I’m saying whenever you find yourself in the midst of people without goals or aspirations and each time you talk about yours, they give you one million and one reasons why it would never work. People that only take and don’t add value to your life are just a waste of time. Try as much as you can to avoid such people, surround yourself with positive people that think and aim higher, it will go a very long way.
Trying to make everyone happy
Yep, a people pleaser. I always love to be happy and see people happy…let me just say I care too much. It’s good to care for people but one needs to care for themselves before thinking of caring for others “can a blind man lead a blind man?”. The truth is no matter what you do for people, the ones that would appreciate, would appreciate and the ungrateful ones would still be ungrateful. So the best advice I gave my self is, I cannot make everyone happy, no matter how hard I try. But that won’t stop me from being helpful when I want to but I don’t have to expect any gratitude or trophy, I just do it because I want to. There are a lot of people that take advantage of people-pleasers: they guilt trip them when they don’t do something for them even though they have been doing so much.
Not taking good care of myself
Yeah, as a people-pleaser, you can understand why it’s hard to take care of myself. Most times i abandoned what I need to do for myself to attend to someone else’s problem. Or when I set my mind to do something (whether, it’s writing or doing laundry) and my sister’s phone start having issues, or she is trying to do something but doesn’t know how to do it, I go to her aid. As a writer, you know when you procrastinate or don’t write when you are supposed to, you end up not writing for the rest of that day, sometimes weeks – writers block also have a part in this.
Trusting people a lot (a Lil too much?)
Since I like to be sincere as possible, I expect same from my relationships . When I was much younger, I had so much trust for people, that I believe what they tell me (unless they are laughing as they say it). This came with a lot of disappointments ,anger and hurt cause I dislike dishonesty . But as I grew I realized no one is perfect and people lie, I shouldn’t expect so much from people, so when they lie to me, it won’t take a toll on me and I would know how to handle the situation. Trust me, you have no idea what anger does to someone ;it takes your time, energy and productivity…well, if you are someone like me that have trust issues.
Not knowing when to let go
Don’t get me wrong, there is an upside to not letting go e.g when you are hustling to make a good living, a career and what not. But this type of letting go, I’m talking about is when you find yourself in a toxic relationship but choose to stay there. When you are doing the same thing over and over and not seeing results. Why not switch it up a little? There is a reason why some things don’t work out, you need to look for another way around it. If that doesn’t work keep trying something different ,one day it will click. And if that man/woman is not treating you good, then break off the relationship and move on, life is too short to waste it on something/someone that don’t matter.
Comparing myself to others
I do this a lot, as do most of us. As a teenager, I loved music and wanted to be a musician; when I would see pop star, Britney Spears at that young age, I would ask myself why I’m not doing what she is doing. I also loved Lindsay Lohan’s acting (funny enough we are age mates) ,I would wish I was giving an opportunity like her. Most times, comparing yourself to others make you lose sight of who you really are – you start trying to become that person and don’t even know who you are meant to be. Everyone has his or her own destiny and it was clearly Britney and Lindsay’s time. My time will come too; it doesn’t have to be being followed around by paparazzi, having no 1 singles and box office movies but it would come.
Procrastination is the thief of time.
I won’t just say its something I do but it’s something I’m still trying to stop. Most times when I procrastinate, it’s due to fear of the unknown, when I am not motivated…and to be honest with you, to be able to forgo this is through discipline. If you don’t have discipline, you are going to have a hard time giving up procrastination. And it starts with the little things; like trying to waking up early, eating a fruit or vegetable daily, exercising for 20mins… I won’t lie to you, with being unemployed, sometimes I just don’t have a reason to get up in d morning – yes, I wake up early sometimes and I just go back to bed cause nothing is motivating me. So I try to motivate myself by saying, I’m getting up to do my 20minutes work out. If I’m feeling sore from the day before, I’d tell myself, I’m waking up early to write an article. I also look for a reason to get up early and that it’s what motivates me most times. With time, it becomes a habit and you find yourself waking up at d same time or earlier with no alarm.
Just like Nike’s slogan : “Just do it!” No excuses… If you keep finding reasons why you shouldn’t do something, you’ll always find them. So no excuses, don’t say you’ll do it in few hours or tomorrow or next week, you might never do it. Procrastination have caused a lot of delay in my success and I refuse to let it take the rest of my life.
Though I might regret this things, I’m also grateful for the lessons it taught me. And I’m still breathing…so it never too late. I’m still a work in progress, take one step at a time and be consistent, I’ll be just fine. What do you regret doing in you life? Is it depressing when you think about it? cause it used to be for me when I do but just like Shawn Mendes’ song :”sometimes I feel like giving up but I just can’t…it isn’t in my blood”. The day you give up, is the day you die. So don’t give up, keep living.