After I auditioned for a Nigerian hit show, Tinsel and got in –well it was as an extra and you know they don’t pay well for that. It didn’t have security and the pay came a month or two after shooting, it wasn’t reliable. My sis was paying the bills ,working her ass off with stressful jobs to take care of my siblings and I, that it felt selfish to pursue my dreams and not contribute to helping out- given she paid for my final year school project, amongst other things. So I had to tell myself the truth and tried to get a job which my brother helped me with. I worked there for three and the half years, no promotion (most companies in Nigeria are like these unless it’s a multinational company or government which takes a lot of time). I was very miserable and had no rest of mind; it was so bad that I was uncomfortable, I wasn’t allowed to do what I want – like use the computer for my blog post during my break (there was no break!). It was frustrating, it wasn’t my kind of job in any lifetime but I took it so I could foot the bills (at least help out ) even though the pay was rubbish.
That’s what I heard growing up; either from people, in a song or family but I never really understood it until life began to deal with me. Don’t settle for less, you deserve better, you are too good for this and that… And you know what? It is true. Despite what life throws at you, you are better than that, you deserve more than what you are getting. We are all here for a reason, a purpose and need to be able to take it – whatever that is.
Being unemployed and without a relationship (a real one) ,have made me really desperate a couple of times. And most times I settled cause of the society and how every other person in my life seemed to be moving on. But the thing is, when you settle for less, it has a way of biting you in the ass, that you ask yourself why you did it in the first place. Trust me, it never ends well; whether in your career, relationships, anything. I’ll begin with my career path;
Taking jobs that were not for me
If you follow my story well, you would know I have a flair for entertainment and the truth is, I don’t see myself doing anything else. When I tell people this, they really don’t get it while some that pretend to get it feel it’s just a phase in my life. But I have been at this for eight years now ( not how I would like to pursue it but I have ),that’s not including my childhood and participation in the arts; dance ,acting ,singing. But as life got really hard; lost my dad, graduated and had to face the labor market – which meant taking odd jobs (not that they were available).
The second job I got was the worst -marketing , I had to take this after I was laid off from the first one due to recession and pursued my acting dream for some months without pay ,I was becoming so desperate that I had to take anything ,it was the worse –stressful, ridiculously low pay and I was sexually harassed.
I get that it’s really tough to pursue your dreams especially when you have no source of income. It’s okay to take the job if you have bills to pay (don’t we all) but don’t stop investing in your dreams. That job should not just be about paying the bills; it should be about investing in your dreams; if it’s a business, a creative part…whatever it is. That’s on my career path. Though I am not where I need to be, I’m not going to give up or settle for less.
On my relationships, I’ve had to settle for some people that I can’t even be friends with talk more of dating but I did out of frustration, pressure from society and peers. Mylast serious relationship –Hmm, if I really have to think about it, I don’t; think I have had a serious relationship; yes I dated someone for four years in the university but that was just school life, we were both young and playing house. Apart from that, my relationships have not been up to 6months (I had a distant relationship for a year but I won’t really call it a year since we saw like three to four times and oh, he proposed! Another story for another time), it’s mostly three months – which is not a relationship in my book.
Lately I’ve been thinking about a friend, that I dated but ended the relationship because we were in different places (not just physically) at the time. My sister was recently diagnosed with fibroid and it really shook both of us; it donned on us that we are getting old and really have to start doing something about that. Though I still have feelings for my best friend that became my lover and now we don’t even talk, I began to ask myself if I have to marry for love or because the person is my soul mate or we get each other. This other guy have been my friend for eight years now and he really loved me while we were dating ,now that I realize my clock is ticking and I really need to start planning to settle down, I feel like it should be with him.
It also makes me wonder, if I am settling for less again or is it because;
He makes six figures
This guy works in a bank as a marketer and according to him he makes six figures though no job security. To be honest, I would like to settle down with someone that works and can take care of a family but I doubt it’s because he makes six figures that I’m considering him as a potential husband. I’m more attracted to the fact that he is very hardworking, he is not really a womanizer and he really likes me but I can’t really tell now since we are not living in the same state, neither have we seen for years .
Looks better than the first time we met
Though I saw him through video call, he looks better than when we first met. He is not a tall guy and I really like tall guys but he has always been cute. Is he my ideal guy physically? No but I asked myself if settling with someone has to be about the physical – and it doesn’t have to be but it’s also good that I’m beginning to find him attractive. Don’t get me wrong, I was attracted to his confidence and loved how he made me laugh when we met.
Boo-less and getting older
Or I’m I considering him since nothing is going well for me right now; job, love life and the fact that I’m getting older. Before my sister’s fibroid diagnosis, I have been having this yearning for love and being in a solid relationship since this year. And with my biological clock ticking, it’s not helping matters at all. I feel like I’m the one asking him out now which is strange for me. Though he said we should keep in touch, because I’ve been thinking about him a lot, I’ve been doing things that normal I won’t do; chatting him up constantly, reminding him of the first time we met, saying this like I miss him and picking up fights as if we are in a relationship. That I just wonder if I’m selling for less, if this guy still loves me or he is just waiting for the right time to pay me back for hurting him eight years ago…
But you know what I have decided? To take it easy; though unemployed, I need to start working on myself, add value to myself and not rushing this guy into thinking he is my last bus stop (they get really cocky when they realize or think this) – not that he is, I just feel out of the guys I have known, he seems to be the one that really stuck around, so why not give him a chance and not keep wasting my time. I guess time will tell if he is really for me but I just need to get it together and do better because I deserve it. I deserve to excel in my career; whether is blogging, acting or film making and I deserve to wed the man of my dreams without second guessing it or tipping my toe around the relationship – not being myself. I deserve to travel the world, own big and beautiful houses with a pool, tennis court, basketball court, theater room, hot tub and library… I deserve to be happy and not settle for less and so do you! If it means staying away from toxic people, staying focus and working really hard, do just that. Don’t ever settle for less, take the bull by the horn, and take risk so you don’t live life in regret.