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What is on my mind right now?


Um, there are a lot of things on my mind but right now is staring at my blog account, seeing how i have not been able to post anything for two weeks. To be honest a lot have been going on that i didn't know how i totally abandoned my blog. It's not that i haven't thought of writing something, it’s just before i try to write something, I tell myself it has to be a very long post and i ask if i have enough time to write it.

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Let me tell you something guys, writing takes a whole lot of time; except you just want to write anything. But i really have to stop bothering about the length of a post and just write...as long as i pass the message across which could be either - educating, informative or entertaining which in this case i hope it is *wink*…you know, with my awkwardness.

So what’s going on in my head? Been trying to figure out how I can post regularly and I just found out that it’s okay if your post is not so lengthy and so it inspired me to write this just now. Anyways, I’ve been thinking about my ex who is also my BFF (best friend forever-sometimes if feels like we are stuck with each other …in a good way), i have also been thinking about how I amunemployed and how we are going to juggle this long distance relationship thing. Yes my friends, we don’t live in the same state and we are trying to rekindle our relationship. And I’m worried about a lot of things like;

When are we going to see?                    
It’s been eight years and I would really love to see him before the end of this year. He is working on leaving the country by next year and I just want us to spend some time together before he does. Who knows, if things go well with us (not just personally but career wise) he wouldn’t have to travel. If I was working and had a source of income, planning my trip to see him would have been easier. Though he wouldn’t mind funding my t-fare, I don’t want him to; I want him to know I genuinely want to see him by using my own money to travel and not because he gave me.

How to tell him I am very broke when he complains about me not calling him

You know how relationships can be; you guys want to check on each other, call or text each other. And yes we are grateful to Whatsapp but it still involves using data, and some people still prefer the old fashion calls. So when he makes comment about why I don’t call him I just can see myself telling him I don’t have airtime. It’s just embarrassing for me.

If we see and he introduces me to his friends would I be confident enough knowing I’m unemployed

Just imagine me visiting and he takes me out on a double date with his friend and girlfriend and we begin to introduce ourselves. What I’m I going to say I do for a living .I know it might not mean much to you guys but it does to me and I think about these things.

Would I become too needy because I’m bored and keep buzzing him all the time?
Since we rekindled our relationship I have been worried about being too needy or clingy. He works Mondays to Fridays and sometimes I just want to hear from him. When I call, he is either on the road or busy in the office and it just makes me feel like I being too needy.

The truth is, I want us to work; maybe I over analyze things, maybe it’s normal to have these feelings but in the end I just have to be able to talk about it with him. Anyways that is what is on my mind right now and I thought I should share. I missed you guys, miss me?
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